That week’s Torah portion was all about the Mishkan (Tabernacle) and it was incredibly detailed about materials, design, and construction. So Ilene’s assignment was that I think of an object that I can describe – specifically how people interact with it. An object from my past that was important that I don’t have anymore:
192 inches long, 72 inches wide, four and a half feet tall, 3,400 pounds, black with a thin red pinstripe running down its side. To most people it was just a car, but to my friends and I it was the ticket out of our staid and mundane suburban blight, to some other place, somewhere fun, exciting, somewhere where there were girls – girls that would appreciate a car like this. It was long, low, and lean, sleek black and pounding red, shiny and silvery, fast and loud, a little dangerous. We grew close during hours of sudsy caresses, long afternoons of endless buffing, late nights of intimate tinkerings in its exposed viscera.
Feedback:
I: why not say “pouding red inside”
N: Silvery confused. Moved from you and your friends to you and the car, why not maintain that? Maybe emphasize it.
N: edit the second half of the second sentence – maybe take out “fun, exciting.” Would enjoy some more specifics, details, which bolts, which parts of the car.
Maybe I will develop this piece more.